Happiness

For some years now, i have learnt that to be happy is to experience a string of other perhaps unfavourable emotions. Happiness is something good, so it makes perfect sense when i say nothing good comes easy.

At the start of this year i had plans, i wanted to go on a proper vacation with someone i love, i wanted to save enough money to buy a car by December, i wanted a different career path from where i have threaded for 4 years now, i wanted to have a proper tennis backhand and most importantly i desired to be very happy.

I will start from the latter:
Two months to the end of the year, i went to the tennis court, i have been a very inconsistent trainee but had enough training over the years to at least have a rhythm to my game. I have no rhythm, control or whatsoever, its not totally bad, i can beat 95 percent of my friends but cannot really enjoy the sport the way i have always wanted to. This realization is why i am writing this, i thought of everyother thing i set out to achieve this year and its a round peg in a square hole. Oops.
PS: i am available for a challenge o

More money more problems, late 2018 i got a new job, considering my former pay and the working condition the pay was a major uplift, it was almost double my former pay, so i was thinking right when i thought i was going to buy a fairly used car in December. I had already drafted a savings plan and nothing was going to stop me. Accomodation did. I woke up one morning and was not so sure of where i will sleep that night. I was accommodated by family/friend while i gathered enough cash to rent an apartment of mine. I moved in and started gathering enough money to make my apartment habitable, i am still gathering to do more. My reality right now is i am not buying a car this year except something changes.

My last relationship ended early this year, but like most relationships, it ended like two months before it ended, i will spare the details. I wanted to remain single but lowkey wanted to be a fine girl's cup of tea. Work took most of my time so i was okay being single but that didn't stop me from meeting prospects. Let me define prospects: a beautiful lady that has features i want in a partner but unable to pursue because of certain factors. Does being unable to rise above the certain factors bother me? yes it does, but i learned that at times like this, it is important to have healthy social relationships with supportive people and that is exactly what i have done this year.  At the right time, i will go on a vacation with someone i truly love.

I have had some wins too, year is not over and i am certain to have more. In all of this, i have remained happy and tried to bring happiness to people around me. I understand that to be happy is to be first scared, sad, tired. I am all of that but will not let it deter me from being happy.