THE MONSTER CALLED GAMOPHOBIA

I am lucky to be with her, he almost teared up as he said this to my other friend who was getting married in few hours. My two friends went on and on about how their relationships changed their lives for good, helped them plan their life, drew them closer to God, and there I was clinging on to the PlayStation controller, waiting for Player 2 to resume the game. It has been 8 years since I was ardently invested in someone I called my girlfriend and I can say that my experience with how things ended with her is who I am today, a 29 year old single pringle.💔

For the past 8 years, I have been in countless breakups without being in an actual relationship. I appreciate wholesomeness and awesomeness in ladies and this naturally endears me to them without craving the commitment part. In a nutshell, I have commitment issues and this has cost me heartache and headache.

My first ever relationship lasted for about 3 months, it was the second semester of my first year in university. While we didn’t have so many memories together, she was very funny, a tomboy, enjoyed dancing and singing, our bond was so suave and so was our breakup. After we went home for the summer break, we kept in touch and looked forward to seeing each other when school restarted.

She never resumed, she changed school and that was just about the end of that. My second relationship was special to me, it was so different from the first one, I understood the difference between being into someone and liking someone, it was also beautiful because she felt the same way, at least for a while.

After a year, we fell out and it was the worst times of my life. It was NYSC year and for the first time I was cast alone in Ado Ekiti, where I had to make new friends and form new habits. I was so used to having someone to talk, play, gossip and exchange bants with, we made our little plans for the future. The breakup hit me so hard I relied heavily on weight lifting and tennis.

This set a precedent for what is my reality now, for some reasons I expected my second relationship to be my last because of what it meant to me, if we were going to break up it had to be for something more far reaching like her parents not approving or something. Our relationship ended after a silly fight and she was done with me, done being my girlfriend and done being a friend. There began my commitment problems.

I have found it hard to imagine getting married, I have a vivid imagination so it worries me a tad when that picture does not exist in my mind. However, I have met a couple of seemingly amazing ladies who I feel I can share my life with until plans are being made for summer and I realize I am not ready to be in anyone’s plan.

The first step to solving a problem is knowing what the problem is, I know what my problem is and I am currently investing on how to get over it. God knows I don’t want to loose the next girl that makes that kind of impression